My wife is nearing her due date quickly. It seems like only yesterday we were having discussions as to when we would have children. Only last evening that she tells me that we're having a baby. She called me yesterday to mess with me, and said "grab my bag we're going to the hospital". It was April Fool's Day. She had to prank me with something. When she said grab the bag, I felt incredible. A feeling came over me that I cannot quite explain. We she said "Just kidding", I was like...phew, I've got a few more days yet!
The best way to explain it is, I'm nervous as can be but excited at the same time. I'm wondering all of the things that I assume GOOD parents worry about. Will I make enough money? Will I teach my child right from wrong? Will my child love me?
I took a day for myself off of everything on April Fool's Day. I only went to get my haircut, and conveniently for me the girl didn't have much to say. I just kept to myself, handled some stuff around the house, and played some games. I took the day as one of the last days that I will not be a parent. I didn't really even spend too much time with my wife. I just was me. It is ironic, that even though I took a day for me, all I could think about was my family. My son. My wife. As selfish as it is that I took a day off of everything just for me, I realized that my family is now what defines me. I took the day away from everything, and ending up thinking about everything! My wife has a chair that she put into the babie's room. A glider/rocker that she is going to nurse our son in/on. I sat in it for awhile and just looked around the room. Thinking about what it was when I bought this house, and what it was in between (I rented the room out for a few years, then it became an office) and now it is my son's room.
I walked throughout the house, and thought to myself..."what needs to change for my son?"
I've never been overwhelmed by my accomplishments. I don't really feel like anything is out of the ordinary. Sure, my past is different than a lot of people's. Sure, my childhood may have been crumby compared to some. It may have been excellent compared to others. For the most part, I just feel like I've done what I've been supposed to do. I don't want to say that when my wife told me she was pregnant, that it didn't sink in. It did, and I realized the true gravity of this situation. When we seen the first ultra-sound, it stuck a little further. When we seen the second, and I heard "you're having a son", it kicked in a little further. When I put my arm on my wife, and I feel him kick/punch it sinks in a little more. When she told me to "grab the bag", I realized it more.
So this little man, this is my purpose. This is my overwheming accomplishment. To provide for him. To love him. To teach him. This baby. My son. He is my future.
I've never felt love like this. Everytime I feel like I cannot love him anymore, I love him more! I haven't even met him yet and I would give the world for him. I cannot wait to meet you Erik, my son. Be a good boy for your mother and I. I promise, I'm going to be a good parent for you.
Here's some photographs from the room. I was going to correct the wide angle lens distortion, and said...no, no I won't. For anyone that cares to know, all were shot with a FF camera with a 16-35 f/2.8 Canon, and almost all at ISO 1600.